First Class of BDTA

So, I attended the very first class for BDTA this week for both Counseling and Assessment. So far, I can tell you this, I like the classes. It was interesting, informative and surprisingly entertaining.  I have no complain about it. The lecturers are well prepare and they know what they are doing. Thou, there were times I feel like interrupting because there are some things that I don't agree with and wanted to have more discussion on it but I guess I am such a coward. After all, he is the expert (p.s: This is such a Bruneian thinking). 

Now, let me tell you what I don't like about the classes. Let me see.... The participants. Mind you, these participants are teachers and as a teacher, isn't it annoying when your students are talking while you are teaching? I mean, I know deep inside my blackest heart that I HATE it when my students are talking when I'm talking and teaching. It was just plain RUDE. And guess what? This is EXACTLY what some of those teachers do... They talked when the 'Lecturer' was teaching. I was -- THIS CLOSE to just stand up and tell those teachers to just hush it. Like seriously! 

That's all for today. tata for now!

Black Box by Cassia Leo

This would be the first book that I would review and mind you, this will be my first attempt in doing such. So, please bear with me and allow me to bring you along on the journey.

 

The story:

 

♥️ Three fateful encounters....
♥️ Two heart-breaking tragedies....
♥️ One last chance to get it right.

From New York Times best selling author Cassia Leo, comes an epic love story about rewriting destiny.

Over the course of five years, Mikki and Crush cross paths on three separate occasions. Their first encounter changes Mikki's life forever, but their second meeting leaves them both buried beneath the emotional wreckage of a violent attack. Mikki is left with more questions and grief than she can handle, while Crush is forced to forget the girl who saved his life.

Now nineteen years old, Mikki Gladstone has decided she's tired of the mind-numbing meds. She books a flight to Los Angeles to end her life far away from her loving, though often distant, family.

Twenty-one-year-old Crush has always channeled his blackest thoughts into his music, but he's never had great aspirations. He decides to fly to Los Angeles to record a demo of the only song he's never performed in public; a song he wrote for a girl he doesn't even know: Black Box. He has no expectations of fame and he's never felt like his life had any purpose... until he meets Mikki in Terminal B.

When Mikki and Crush cross paths for the third time in Terminal B, neither has any idea who the other person is; until they slowly piece together their history and realize that fate has more in store for them than just another love story.

Spoiler alert:

The story focus on two main characters; Mikki and Crush. For the last 5 years their life entangled in a way that was twisted yet saved both of their life.

We are bound to one another

This is so beautiful that I can't help but to write it down..

 

You and I, we are bound to one another.

So much so I don't feel that I could survive without you.

You nurture me. 

You protect me. 

You are my home.

If I were to damage that by meaningless dalliance.

It would be like killing myself.

Something I would never do.

Bones, Season 9 Episode 17

Temperance Brennan to Seeley Booth

The things that would caused me to have my panic attack!

I just received the schedule for BDTAs TIME. What is BDTA you said? Well, it is Brunei Darussalam Teacher Academy and what is TIME? Well, TIME is 'Teachers' Induction Mentoring Enhancement Program  and as new teacher who just started teaching this year (These also include those who started teaching in 2012 and 2013), I'm required to attend classes for two years to improve my 'Teaching Style", "Assessment", "Counseling" and "Lesson Plan". Sound fun right? Well... No! But I kind of like it. I would love to learn more on how to improve my teaching and etc. Thou, I reserve my judgement until I sit in that classroom and decide whether I like it or not. Thou, if it is something like what I had learn in SHBIE, I would seriously be pissed off. I will. I mean, I'm sacrificing a LOT of my time for this. Not to mention, I would have no time to do my other works as my week will be fill with attending classes, Supervising netball practices and BEES. 

NOT to mention the hell it will gives me to find time to read my precious books! I would not be HAPPY to sacrifice my love of reading. I have tons of books that I want to read. Plus, don't forget how much $$$$$$ I would spend for the fuel! Darn, I feel like listing down my schedule right here right now. Maybe I should. Here we go:

Monday: 2 pm to 4 pm (BDTA)

Tuesday: 4:30 pm to 6 pm (Netball Practices)

Wednesday: 2 pm to 4 pm (BDTA)

Thursday: 2 pm to 4 pm (BDTA. Thou, only sometime but more than I would want it to be)

Saturday: 4:30 pm 6 pm (Netball practices)

That is my schedule for now and yeah, I haven't put in BEES but that require more complex schedule. 

So, how about my traveling time? From my house to school to BDTA to my house? Let see, the time taken from my house to the school I'm teaching is 40 to 45 minutes and the time taken from my school to BDTA would be 30 to 40 minutes (This include traffic) and time taken from BDTA to my house would be 50 to 60 minutes (This does not include traffic). So, how crazy is that? Not only it will make me soooo darn tired when I arrived at home but it would totally drain my fuel? With my 'Normal schedule', I already spend almost 100 dollar per month for fuel and now to add those BDTA? I can't even imagine! 

Okay... Now focusing on something else. I'm a new teacher. That mean I have to create new materials for my teaching and go search for it and I usually do this on the weekdays in the afternoon especially on Thursday. So, do tell me when am I gonna do this? Caused HECK would I want to disrupt my Fridays and Sundays as that it the time for my family and a GOOD book! Again, I do not want to let go of my book unless you want me to go insane with everything!

Again I want to reserve my judgement. I want to see how it goes before going super saiyan on this! Thou, if I can't handle this, I would not be hesitate to go to the principal and have my say. These people that I'm suppose to supervise the students with, so far, I'm not liking their ways. I mean come on. There are suppose to be four of us on the job and yeah I get it, it's the holiday and you have to spend your time with the family and etc and that lead to only two teachers supervising but FUCK! it has been three days and I'm the only teacher here! So, she was here two days ago doing something else in the MPH and not here sitting with me supervising the students but for not being here today just pisses me off. and I hate being pissed off. And I hate it more being taken advantage off and don't be surprise when I started to be rude to you. It was as if I don't need the time to regroup and relax. I know I'm new but seriously? Please don't make my happy smiling face fool you caused trust me when I said, I could live without being friends with any of you. 

I'm someone who seek for the best in people and that's how I am for as long as I remember. I'm someone who when I feel uncomfortable and don't like certain attitude of this one person would search and seek for their attitude/personality that I'm comfortable with and like and decide to be able to be friends with them and I haven't fail yet on that! But ever since I started working, this rules of mine if you can called it rules are beginning to crumble. And it lead me to not liking certain people and I hate that! Cause in my entire life, I never hate someone! Upset with them YES but hating them? disliking them? NOPE! That is not me! I hate office politic and I hate confrontation! I rather be quiet than giving my opinion out especially to those I'm not close with.

That's all for now and I leave you with this:

Don't let my smiling face fool you and make you think you can just walk all over me.

Don't let my YES and my nod lead you to think that I'm totally fine with it.

Cause I have a system of three strikes and there are three of you who have received my strike.

Cause at the end of those three strikes would be me saying goodbye and ignoring you.

You cease to exist to me!

The beginning of my life.... MAYBE!

For as long as I remember, I have always wanted to be a teacher and now I am one. Don't get me wrong I love teaching and interact with the kids. Well, mine is not really kids but they are young adult aka teenagers. So, sometime they gave me headache and sometime they pissed me off but at the same time, they make me laugh and happy. I really enjoy teaching them and be with them.

It is my believe that just be who you are when you are teaching but I know that is impossible. It will make the kids lost their respect of you. Thus, I'm a believer of 'Be firm but fun' at the same time and that who I am when I'm with my kids. I know some of the teachers don't even smile at their students and I can't imagine myself being one of those teachers and there are some teachers who are just too friendly with their students and I know I cant be one of those teachers. I can see that when the teachers are to friendly with their students, the students tend to be disrespectful towards those teachers and I hate it when I see that.

I'm not saying that I already found the 'me' when I'm with my kids. After all, I only started teaching for about 100 days. So, I still have the difficulties trying to find 'her'. I think I might come off Hot and Cold to the kids and I hate that sometime. Sometime, I don't even know to act around them. Heck, not just around the kids but also around other teachers. It is safe to say that I'm socially awkward. 

I'm not going to lie but right now, I'm still trying to find another job. When I said I love teaching, I'm telling the truth but what I don't like is that the side jobs that come with it. I dread it to my bone. There was this one time when I was told that I might handle students scout and I hate the thought of doing it. I thought of it for almost a week before telling the principal that I can't do it and I can't handle it. Within that 1 week itself, my productivity was down. My teaching was awful and I cant enjoy teaching my kids. Thank God, the principal listen to me and didn't give it to me. But of course, there are other things given to me then, where I'm become the adviser for BEES and also supervisor for the school netball team. I don't mind doing these but what I mind was that I have to go home at 6 pm the earliest for the netball practices. Thou, I don't mind doing those as I am with those who take advantages of me. Oh dear other people, you might think I'm nice but trust me that I am not. I might smile at you but trust me you irked me so much.

So, it is the school holiday and of course as a new daily paid teacher, I can't apply for the holiday. Hence, I'm still coming to school to work. Again, I don't mind that but what I mind is that I still have to supervise students for their netball practices and it feels like instead of having four supervisors for it, there is only one supervisor aka me? Yeah, its not like I need the time to spend with my family and try to regroup myself before the school reopen. loving it! *sarcastic tone*

But yeah, I'm still able to do those things because when I can't do it, I will tell the person in-charge right away.

That's all for me and TATA for now.